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Am I into monogamous or open relationships? The results are in! hehe

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The few relationships I’ve been in in the past always ended up in an open relationship. For example, with my ex-partner of 7 years, we started having sexual problems after 5 years of being together. Simply put, he had a big dick, I had a tight hole 😂 (Gotta put some humor into it 🙂 so needless to say that things weren’t perfect in that area even though we still loved each other very much. So we started opening our relationships to others. I remember that it was very exciting but also scary at the same time. I’m a very sexual person, I’m also extremely romantic but I’m a jealous man as well! (Typical Scorpio hehe) so I had to juggle with all these aspects/feelings and it was hard at times. When we or I would meet a guy, I had to separate sex and love. This was supposed to be pure sex and it worked with some guys, but not with others. Technically, the open relationship idea is so fucking exciting. It excites me! It turns me on so very much. New guys, new positions, new feelings, new orgasms, new sensations, new everything! You get to keep the man you love and still get to satiate your sexual appetite with others. But emotionally for me, this turned into the roller coaster from hell. I was totally fine with some of the guys he would meet, but with others, I’d start getting jealous and I knew this was not good. Why would I be jealous of some and not others? It was just all about feelings for me. I knew my partner’s type, so I could tell when he was having more fun than just having sex with them.

This really started messing up with my head completely, it was supposed to be just sex, but suddenly, I could feel that it was going beyond that for him. That’s when I realized that it was over. We argued more than before the open relationship. The sex was non-existent anymore so we knew we had to talk and we did. We broke up, stayed friends and we’ve been living together ever since. It was the perfect ending for us. We approached it with maturity and that’s why he’s been my best friend all along.

Anyway, fast forward 15 years later: January 2nd of this year. Met this awesome guy, but as stupid as I am, I offered to be open right away. Yup, call me stupid… Actually, call me fucking stupid lol Why did I open the relationship with him right away? Why did I open the relationship with him PERIOD!!?? Didn’t I learn from my past relationships? Wasn’t it hurtful enough? The reason why I offered to be open is simply that I was insecure. Let me explain… This guy is probably the hottest guy I have ever been with and I thought that I was totally out of his league, so in my head, if I opened the relationship, he would stay with me but still have his fun with guys that are more his caliber. I know it probably doesn’t make sense for you, but it did for me back then but yeah, I regret doing that. It was utterly stupid. But hey, what’s done is done and I definitely learned my lessons. Open relationships, them be at the very beginning of a relationship or after 5 years down the road just DO NOT work for me. I am a monogamous type of guy. I am unable to share the man I love with others, it’s just impossible for me. Sure it sounds hot, but deep inside me, it will hurt me more than anything and it did quite a few times.

So… I’ll just put it out there. If one day, I decided to date again (I’m still debating on that), it’s gonna be him and I and that’s it!!! No Mikes, Johns, Steves… in between us. He’ll be stuck with having sex with me only every day! Sometimes once, sometimes twice, sometimes multiple times lol Who knows 🙂 But seriously, I won’t even consider an open relationship even after many years of being with someone. If things don’t work out anymore, then it’ll just be over.

I know a few couples, who are really good friends of mine and who have open relationships and they seem so happy together. I’m not saying i’m against this way of living, not at all! I see how these couples are with each other and I can tell it works for them and I’m happy for them too. To each his own! I will never judge. For me, I tried it a few times, and it definitely backfired on me.

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