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Life is beautiful but once again, I get in my head too much :(

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Howdy everyone! I hope you are doing wonderful and that you’re living life to the fullest! At least, that’s what I’m trying to achieve, live life to the fullest without thinking twice and i can say that I’m failing miserably 🙁 For the past 2 months, life changed a bit for me and for the better! Met this great guy. We’re having such an awesome time and sexually, I have never experienced such good sex in my life! EVER! The fact that we are both open to things makes it so much more interesting for me and for him. I absolutely love hanging out with him and his sweet puppies 😉 So life is just beautiful right now, but yet, I am not enjoying it to the fullest and all because I tend to over think about the stupidest things.

Let me remind you that for various reasons, I haven’t been in a relationship in 15 years. So what I’m experiencing right now is pretty much very unfamiliar and when we started dating, I promised myself that I’d just go with the flow and see where it goes. Fuck! I’m finally in the relationship! Let’s be happy about it and have fun! But my problem is, I’m worse than a lesbian! I move quick lol By that I mean, when I really like someone, I’m totally in 150%! I’ll throw the L word, the words boyfriend and relationship. So yeah, my heart dictates about 80% of my actions, the other 20% comes from my cock lol. Though Allen might say that my dick controls my life lol What can I say, I’m a horny fucker hehe (he is too by the way 😈)

Anyway, I think my feelings went too fast and too soon. It’s only been 2 months for Christ’s Sake and I’m ready to marry the man! Ok I’m totally kidding on that! lol but you get the message 🙂
I have been cheated on so many times in the past that maybe I’m scared to be that close to someone? Scared of losing him? Scared of being cheated on again? Or does the fact that Allen is such a handsome guy make me feel so insecure about myself? I have always been an insecure guy when it comes to how i look and I tend to be very uncomfortable around hot guys. Though, thinking about it now, Allen is dating me and he’s a hot guy so that must mean that I’m ok looking and I should feel good about myself that such a handsome man is taking the time with someone like me. Mmm. Didn’t think of it before.

So yeah, I get in my head and I think of really stupid things. That’s when jealousy comes to play and I do not understand why? Allen is the only person that I fully trust so why? I think it’s my mind playing tricks on me. Why do I get in my head and think of the worse things that could happen to this relationship when things are totally great right now with him! I just don’t get it. Why do I need to think of the future when the present is just wonderful! Why do I need to worry about what might happen down the road, 6 months, 1 year from now… WHY?! When I should focus on my man today and have the greatest time with him. Nothing in life is a safe bet. Nothing. All i can do is enjoy life as it is now. I finally have someone who cares about me, who makes me feel safe, who holds me tight at night, who makes love to me so passionately, who turns me on every time I think of him, who looks at me and suddenly, the world is all ok, but above all, I finally have someone who makes me happy 😍🥰💖

I realize that I need to change my mindset. I need to relax and enjoy what I have right now. Who knows what will happen in the future and I shouldn’t care. I should care of today! I need to stop getting in my head and stop worrying about things that aren’t there. I am such a complicated person lol Anyway, I am making the promise to myself that I’ll try my very best and enjoy this relationship to the fullest. I only have this life to live, I don’t want to waste it and I definitely don’t want to lose what Allen and I have right now. I really don’t 🤞🍀

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