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Am I living my life to the fullest? What does it even mean?



Happy Friday y’all! The weather is so depressing today. It’s dark and it’s only 4pm, it’s also raining and just a really crappy weather. But oh well, we can’t change it anyway so let’s make the best out of it 🙂 Today, I didn’t really feel like taking a bunch of pictures so I only took one to illustrate this post. I’m like a kid, I like pictures to go along with the text hehe

So I know what I want to talk about but I’m not sure how to put it on paper (Figure of speech). It’s pretty clear in my head but now I need to get it out and that’ll be the hard part, so please bear with me hehe

The question I asked myself today is: Am I living life to the fullest?
What does it mean really? I realized today that living life to the fullest is very suggestive. Does travelling around the world mean that you’re living life to the fullest? Does spending time with people you love mean that you’re living life to the fullest? Does going out to clubs every weekend mean you are living life to the fullest? Again, what does it mean?

Just a short story about myself. I’ll go into details further in a future post but for now, this will do. 21 years ago, I met my first boyfriend. We were together for 7 years before we called it quit. He’s now my best friend and we’ve been living together for 21 years now. I do not regret our relationship at all. I would do it all over again if I could because it made me the person I am today. Anyway, once we broke up, I just let myself go, I gained lots of weight, started to dislike my body and face even more… and so for the next 15 years, I pretty much lived as a hermit. Other than my roomies and a few straight sexagenarian couples, I didn’t have any friends. Sure I would chat with guys on the apps, but never really met any one of them. Needless to say, this probably sounds like a sad life to you but it was not entirely. I might have not have many friends back then but the ones I had loved me for who I was, and I was content with that.

On August 2018, something happened and to this day, I have no idea. I woke up one day and I was seeing things differently. It was very clear what I needed to do. I needed to get my ass up and start enjoying life and live it to the fullest! At this time, for me, it meant… Get to the gym, go on a diet, go out and force myself to meet people, be intimate with guys, open up… And so I did, lost 30 pounds, went out to clubs and met guys whom most of them are good friends of mine now. The more I went out and the more I met people, the better I felt about myself. All 2019 was a year of discovery for me. Everything was new and so exciting!!!

I never thought of myself as being “dating material”. I’m a person who likes a routine. I love my life here with my best friends and my doggies. I can get moody. If I don’t want to do or go somewhere, I have the choice to just decline. I have lived the same way for 21 years so dating anybody scared me and was out of question. So every time I would meet someone, I made sure to let them know that I wasn’t into dating. That was THE one rule for me, no dating.

At the end of the year of last year, I started getting a crush on someone. And it came out of nowhere too!! On a dance floor at a club of all places. It felt amazing and quite frankly, I didn’t know how to manage it. What was i feeling? Anyway, it didn’t go further but I’m now friend with this awesome guy so it’s all good 🙂 I’m not sure why it happened with him. I met many guys last year and I never felt that type of crush/feelings before. Was I FINALLY craving for love? Craving for attention, romance?

On January 2nd, I finally met this person whom I chatted with a couple of times on Instagram last year. I never would have guessed in a million years that the connection was going to be that strong. Let’s be frank, HE is beautiful, so handsome and such a good-hearted man. As for me, sure, I am ok looking but never would I thought that someone like him would even have any interests in me but it seems that the attraction is mutual. So, a week later, we are now dating 🙂 And I’m so freaking happy about it. Dating, the word I used to hate. NEVER SAY NEVER!

Living life to the fullest is different for everybody. Some people need to travel the world to feel some type of accomplishment. Some need to marry a loved one and have kids. Some need to be as successful as they can at their job. I don’t need to travel, I don’t need to get married, I don’t need a very high paying job. I am a simple guy who enjoys simple things in life. Dating a guy whom I truly truly like is enough for me. Living with 2 of the nicest people who also are my best friends is enough for me, having 4 loving doggies is enough for me, having a roof over my head is enough for me, having a big heart is enough for me… So coming back to “Am I living my life to the fullest?”, I want to reply with “Do I even need to?”.

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