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Petit a petit, l’oiseau fait son nid…

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“Petit a petit, l’oiseau fait son nid” is a little French proverb that is translated as β€œLittle by little, the bird makes its nest.” This proverb designates patience and perseverance. So there, i taught you something today. Who said my blog was totally useless πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

So today, i am finally doing it… I am putting my ding dong on the internet for all to see. Trust me, there is not much to see hehe. Even though i have posted many different angles and inches of my penis before, i never really posted the whole thing at once. So why today? Well, let me tell you a little story πŸ™‚ First, i apologize. I am definitely not a writer so don’t expect this post to be refined πŸ˜‚

I was diagnosed, a looooong time ago, with body dysmorphia. WTF does this mean you might say lol Well it means, repetitively looking in the mirror or avoiding mirrors (depends on where I am). Having an overwhelming feeling that the flaw perceived makes me ugly or deformed and believing that the perceived flaw will lead to negative judgment or mocking from others.

In other words, i always find myself to be the least attractive person wherever i go. Most of the time, i even think that i’m the ugliest person in the room and eventually, i remove myself and leave.

I have been dealing with it all my life and it doesn’t matter how many times someone tells me i’m cute, or attractive or whatever, at the end of the day, i will always believe what i see in the mirror, which is not an attractive guy.

Back then, the doctor i was seeing suggested that i started taking pictures of myself. And so i did. I would take sooo many pictures of me with the doggies and whatnots… Then i would review those photos. Out of 100’s of pictures, i would maybe keep 1 or 2 that I thought i looked “semi ok”. The dogs always looked beautiful though πŸ₯°

And so i have kept doing this exercise for years and it has helped me tremendously. A really long road of self doubts but this exercise has helped me a lot.

So as you can imagine, i have lived most of my life as a hermit (seriously lol). All along, I’ve had wonderful friends though, not many but at least i’ve always had the greatest friends i could ever ask for. I could say that i was home 99% of the time. So yeah, a hermit hehe

In January of this year (2019), something happened inside me and i still don’t quite know what triggered it but it felt like i needed to wake up and start living life period. And so i did and i am so damn proud of myself. This year has been a year of self discovery. I created my own blog where i can be free to post whatever i want and where i am totally free of judgement. I am still in awe at all the pictures I post on my blog. I never thought that I would ever be able to do that… EVER, but I AM doing it πŸ™‚ Sure, maybe I’m the only one reading it, but for me, it’s still awesome therapy πŸ™‚ I meet people from Facebook and other social medias all the time now. I go out to clubs once in while, I do game nights at friends’ houses… I have so many friends whom i chat with all the time and i am loving it. Even my sexual life has 1000% improved. Not hard really when it was pretty much non existent before hehe

My life today is nothing like my life last year. I feel so much more confident. Not cocky, just confident and i am so eager to see what is coming next. I am learning about myself more and more. Sure, once in a while, i still think i am the ugly duckling in the room but i do not leave the room when it happens, not anymore… i stay put and try to deal with it as much as i can. Yeah it’s definitely hard when all i think about is people looking at me, making judgement on how i look, talk, walk… but i have learned to re focus my thoughts. I drop everything in my mind, and start fresh. It’s like i’m rebooting my brain and after that, i feel ok.

It’s still a learning experience for me. I don’t think i will ever be ok with how i look but you know what, i am so much better now than who i used to be a year ago. At least, i have a social life now and i want to enjoy every bit of it 😊

So now that i bored you to death, i want to let it all hang out 😈 “Out with the old, in with the new”. We only live once my friends, do what makes you happy before it’s too late πŸ₯°

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